How These Things Go

Friday was date night. It was a little spontaneous, as we were originally planning to go out on Saturday when I got off from work. As it went, Rat Bastard decided that he wanted his weekend with Kylie to begin on Friday night, so I wound up with some free time.

It wasn't a bad date, but it didn't exactly leave me breathless either. It was mediocre, I guess. First, I kinda wanted him to figure out what we were going to do when we went out. As the girl, I think that my only responsibility for the first date is to show up and participate. I don't want to have to plan it and pay for it. (I didn't pay for this one, for the record.) In this situation, I was driving an hour to get to the city where he lives (close to where I am moving), so it wasn't exactly in my element to choose a venue. We went back and forth, back and forth about it. Finally, he suggested a movie, which is one of the worst things you can ever do on a first date because it absolutely eliminates the conversation aspect. Beforehand, we had some time to kill, so we went to Buffalo Wild Wings to have a drink. Not to sound whiny, but by the time I had sucked down my Midori Sour, I was almost glad that we were going to the movies. He spent most of the time that we were sitting at our table watching a baseball game on the big screen TV anchored from the ceiling behind me. Maybe he was nervous, and maybe he just isn't a dazzling conversationalist, but I finally stopped coming up with things to try to talk about.

Don't get me wrong, Hot Bank Man is a super nice guy, and I don't mean to sound nasty or ungrateful that we went out. I just don't think he was that into me after we talked for a bit. The fact that I am a divorcee with a kid seemed to tweak him out. It seems that this is the usual occurrence with my dating life. They all like me until they get to know me. Once my crazy rears its ugly head, they bolt.

So here we go again. Another one bites the dust. Are any of us surprised?

P.S. Some random stranger left this note (on the back of his business card) tucked into the window of my car while I was at work yesterday morning. I think it was the guy who was behind my associate and I when we came back from the bank. Either way, I was pretty flattered.

How to Catch a Boy

I almost titled this "How to Score a Boy," but I decided that it sounded a little dirty. And that isn't exactly the tone that I was going for.

I have come to the conclusion that men are like leprechauns. They are sneaky, quick, and cunning, and just when you think that they are going to lead you to a pot of gold, they take off again. Bastards. It's no secret that I don't really date that much. I have tried and failed at the online dating thing. I have decided that I am absolutely not going to find Prince Charming on a website. I keep hoping to bump into him in line at the grocery store, or maybe he will rescue me when I find myself stranded with a flat tire somewhere, etc etc. This is the reason that I never leave my house without makeup. Who knows when he will pop up.

Enter Hot Bank Man. Oh yeah. He's a cutie. I have known this guy for about three years, going back to when I worked in Greensboro. He worked at the bank branch that my company used. We didn't really talk very much way back when, mostly because he was so adorable that I instantly developed a massive stuttering problem when he was within five feet of me. Therefore, I avoided him. Smooth, I know. Imagine my surprise when, after starting my not-so-new-now job, I ran into him again. Fast forward to a couple of months ago when I got past my stuttering problem and actually spoke to him. I used my words, and it wasn't a complete disaster! Now, going to the bank is the highlight of my day. He waves to me from his little office, and I get really giddy and wave back while somehow managing to contain my giggling until I get back into my car. When did I morph from a 30 year old woman into a 14 year old girl? Shit, I'm digressing.

Yesterday, Hot Bank Man was all decked out in a suit. Oh boy, he was looking mighty dapper if I may say so. I even managed to comment on it to him while we were there, but for whatever reason, I developed the nerve to reiterate how fine he looked via a short and sweet email that may or may not have started with the word "wow!" (He gave me his business card a while back, so I ripped his email address from that.) I couldn't believe it when he emailed me back a "thank you!" and his phone number. Oh yeah, girlfriend's got game. Needless to say, I thought long and hard about when to text him (as he said that I should). I dare not do it before 5pm while he was still at work, as that would seem desperate. I had to wait until at least 7:00, but then I had to do it at a random time (i.e. 7:12pm) instead of 7:00 on the dot, because otherwise, it would seem too planned. Gosh, has dating always been this hard?

Long story short, we talked back and forth for awhile (okay...hours....), and we have a date this weekend. Oh my. I haven't been on one of those in (oh gosh....was it last year sometime?!) awhile. Here's hoping that I remember how to act in public.

In Limbo

"I don't exist well in limbo," -Jane, Drop Dead Diva

The clock is ticking, and Kylie and I make our big move in three weeks. I have slowly begun to check things off my "to do" list in order to keep things as organized and painless as possible. I have completed paperwork to transfer Kylie to her new school and registered her for summer camp. My (current) living room is cluttered with boxes that are just waiting to be stuffed with all of our belongings. We are both eager to pack everything up, but I can't stand to live among complete chaos. I am using this time to go through things and eliminate what I can live without.

I am also using this opportunity to purge myself from leftover emotional baggage. This place that I'm leaving has a lot of memories for me. I have lived here for almost four years, and (in a sense) I have done a lot of growing up here. When I moved here, it was with a husband who already had one foot out the door. This townhouse has seen me through a nasty divorce, a custody battle, and several relationships that left me feeling like I was better off single. I am looking at this move as the chance to leave it all behind. I don't want to spend my time wishing to be a part of someone's life who doesn't feel the same for me. Maybe it isn't meant for me to have a significant other in this lifetime. As hard as it is to admit, I would rather be alone than be treated like crap. I've never had a relationship that felt otherwise.

I took this weekend off in hopes of prepping for my big move. In fact, I have spent the past two days eating ice cream directly out of the container, immersing myself in the DVDs of Drop Dead Diva Season Two. I just needed some time away from people and responsibility. Last week, I went back to my old mall in Greensboro to help out a store manager who was on vacation. This was the first time that I have returned there since I left my former company. It was really strange to be back. The place reminded me of so many things that I would have rather forgotten. I was surprised, though, at how many people remembered me there. The teller at the bank, my former UPS guy, the barista at Starbucks. I guess I'm not as unforgettable as I imagined. At the same time, it reminded me that I am in a better place now. I don't want to go back to my unhappiness.

Ironically, my horoscope today says, "You've been doing a lot of cleaning up and clearing out. Since this project has been going on for several years now, you must be doing a particularly thorough job. Finally, it seems as if you're getting things straight with your karma. Today will be a big day, Capricorn. You may be able to leave part of your childhood behind, as at last you understand that it's ancient history." Pretty fitting, huh?

Three weeks to go. Let the countdown begin.

What Matters Most

I am running around in circles. There is so much on my to-do list, and instead of completing things, I add more and more and more to it. I am not accomplishing anything.

I am stressing about this move. It is approximately six weeks away, which seems like a long time and not much time all at once. I am worried about registering Kylie for camp at the YMCA. I am worried about transferring her to another school. The school that is closest to our house is super awful, and I thought that I had really done my homework on that one. I visited the school a week or so ago, and the receptionist was on the phone with someone that I took to be her boyfriend. The conversation on her side went something like, "Boy, you stupid! No, YOU stupid! " Needless to say, I was not impressed.

I took Kylie to an opthamologist today and learned that she may need to have eye surgery. She has a condition called exotropia, which means that she has somewhat of a wandering eye. It can be corrected with this surgery that rearranges the muscles in the eye. I was expecting to go to this specialist and hear a definite "yes" or "no" on the surgery, but what I got was, "Well, let me know if you think she needs it." What? I don't know if she needs it. I don't know what is best for her in this case. I am not the expert. This isn't impairing her vision, but at the same time, if it continues, then there is the potential that she may be made fun of in school. I dealt with that when I was a kid, and it sucked beyond explanation.

Speaking of being made fun of, I apparently had an allergic reaction to a new facial moisturizer. You know...the kind of moisturizer that you slather all over your face with the intent of making it moist. Yeah. My face has broken out in this crazy red rash that is not pretty in any sense of the word. I told my mom that this is my payback for being so vain. I never pass a mirror without looking in it. Usually, I am pretty content with what stares back at me. Right now, I can't even wear makeup. I wish wearing a bag over my face was in my company dress code. This is what I get. Karma. Damn karma.

Overall, I am just looking to survive the next six weeks. I want this move to go as smoothly as possible. I think a big part of my stress is knowing that I am going to something completely new and unknown. On the good side, I have a job that I am already settled into. I haven't made a move this big since I was 20 and moved to Charlotte in an attempt to find happiness. I found a lot of things here, but I'm not sure that happy was one of them. When I leave this place, I will take with me the only thing that really matters, my sweet little girl. Everything else can stay here; they weren't important enough to hold on to anyway.