Holidays are so freakin' stressful. Every year, I get so excited about the holidays. I used to hate them (back in my married days). I would absolutely dread going to my visit my in-laws, not because they are horrible people (they are not), but because I hated spending my one day off hanging out with people that I only liked a little bit. The year that my husband and I separated, it was literally Thanksgiving Day that he moved out. I skipped Thanksgiving that year. I was such a hot mess of depression and anger and sadness that there was not an ounce of celebration in me. I think I had peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving dinner. My mom, my brother, and my sister-in-law tried to get me to come to dinner, but I was miserable.
These days, holidays are better. Last year, I made my very first Tofurkey. I tied my first real (as a grownup) Christmas tree to my car and drove for an hour at 75 mph to get it to my apartment, where I set it up all by myself. I was ready to decorate for Christmas before the Halloween decorations even went up. Divorce made the holidays better.
The only thing that stresses me out about the holidays now is where to go. I'm a divorced kid with a divorced kid of my own. Holidays are like a big, giant game of tug-of-war. There is simply not enough Carrie to go around. I only get one day off for Thanksgiving; working in retail means being at work at 5:30 am on Black Friday. I am attempting to balance Kylie's time with me and with Rat Bastard. I worry about seeing my mom and my brother's family, as well as spending time with my dad. My extended family lives a zillion miles away, so my dad doesn't really have anywhere else to go. I don't want my dad to spend Thanksgiving alone, even though he tells me that I shouldn't stress about it. But I stress.
Let the holiday guilt begin.
This year, I have no idea what I am doing. My brother's family wants to have a potluck at their house (I'll be bringing the ice). There is also that incredible desire to sit at home in my PJs and share pumpkin flavored ice cream with Kylie, straight out of the carton, a spoon for each of us. Thanksgiving is a time for us to be thankful, and there is nothing that I am more thankful for than a paid day off from work, when my store is closed, and I don't have to worry about anyone screwing something up in my absence.
On a fun note, I get to go to a wedding the weekend before Thanksgiving. I bought a new dress. I never go to weddings, and I never have an excuse to buy a new dress.
My mom and I had a good laugh at the fact that I took this photo in my bathroom. I don't really know any other way to take a photo of myself. I tried to get Kylie to do it for me in the kitchen, but my head kept getting chopped off in the picture, or it was blurry, and then she got bored and started photographing herself instead. So I resorted to the sexy toilet backdrop. It's like bathroom porn.
So here's what I'm thinking for the holidays:
I haven't really decided what I want to do. So what if Thanksgiving is a week and a half away and I am leaving everyone hanging? I promise to show up for Thanksgiving this year. I just haven't determined when and where that will be. And if I don't show up? It's because I am taking photos of myself in the bathroom. Wearing that dress. And maybe eating a Tofurkey.
Thanksgiving is not the same without the Tofurkey.
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